The Verve - Forth

Forth (2008, RED) The Verve's fourth studio album. ***

When the single "Bittersweet Symphony" was released, the Verve were launched to superstardom. It came with a price, as they would have to release 100% of the royalties of their hit single because of unwarranted sampling. The band became involved heavily with drugs. Finally, the tension between Ashcroft and McCabe broke, and the Verve dissolved before they could release a follow up to Urban Hymns.

Forth then (almost) answers one of the long-debated questions in recent music history; what would have happened to the Verve had they stayed together? They would have been unquestionably the biggest band in the world, and even back home they were considered the leaders of the British alternative scene. The answer is that it's monotonous, but that's not because they have run out of good ideas. It's been nearly ten years since they were writing music together, and Ashcroft used a lot of material - albeit mostly bland - for his solo work, so we find them struggling to come up with anything fresh. Forth is not hard to listen to, but it's not engaging, either. Only two songs, "Love is Noise" and "Valium Skies" are standouts, but more so for wrong reasons. "Love is Noise" features a strange, well, noise that sounds like barking throughout its duration, and "Valium Skies" is the poorer cousin of "Bittersweet Symphony."

It's not that the Verve aren't good songwriters or performers, but the album is ten years too late. It is true that Forth is not as heavily steeped in shoegaze as other releases, but without the biting lyrics, without Ashcroft's emotional vocals (he sounds weathered now), and without impact of their earlier work, the Verve's "comeback" is more saddening than anything else. They are a band who should have come back in flying colors, but it seems like they're the only ones marching in the parade with no one to watch. Pleasant material, none of it memorable. And thus is the tragedy of the Verve in the US. (Love is Noise, Rather Be, Valium Skies)

The Stills - Oceans Will Rise

Oceans Will Rise (2008, Arts & Crafts) The Stills' third studio album. ****

The best part of Oceans Will Rise is its culmination of three great bands; Radiohead, Coldplay, and Muse. The Stills borrow from each appropriately while keeping good aesthetic distance, and the end result is an accessible album with a darker picture painted in the lyrics. They manage to do several important things the right way. First, they're able to keep the material radio-friendly and memorable. "Being Here" is the obvious highlight with Fletcher's soaring vocals and Hamelin's Edge-like guitar riff. Second, they know how to work dynamics; there's never a point where the album gets too loud for too long, nor does it start off rocking and then slip into snoozing acoustic tranquility. Third, they get their message across without ramming it down everyone's throat, and they recognize that being louder doesn't make the message more so. With that, they succeeded where Black Holes and Revelations failed, which started with three masterful songs but then didn't know when to tune it down a bit.

Whether it's the percussion rally on "Snakecharming the Masses," the soft electronic whirl of "Snow in California," the melancholy "Everything I Build," or the indie-inspired "Panic," the Stills demonstrate that they've learned a lot from their last record. For this "post-rock" group (an idiotic label in itself), Oceans Will Rise is a triumph. (Snow In California, Being Here, Eastern Europe)

Xavier Rudd - Dark Shades of Blue

Dark Shades of Blue (2008, Anti) Xavier Rudd's fifth studio album. ***1/2

Xavier Rudd has more of a sound than a specific genre that he fits into. It's not necessarily complex, as it allows him to transcend from musical realm to musical realm. Take the first ten seconds, even; the fade-in of the guitar distortion is nearly identical to "Foxey Lady" before it dives into an instrumental in the vein of something from Jeff. He relies on several unorthodox instruments to complete his sound; harshly distorted and reverbed guitar accompanied by didgeridoos? Impressive. The underlying Hammond organ plays an integral role in the gloomy reggae-inspired "Secrets." He doesn't just rely on blues and prog rock, he also pulls influences from Middle Eastern and African music as well (particularly with the percussion). Dark Shades of Blue is a record that is more easily experienced than described, as its fairly low-volume instrumentation makes a stronger statement with its subtleties than it would full-speed. And since I'm not a real music critic and am honestly having trouble to describe the album, this review is not very good. (Dark Shades of Blue, Guku, This World as We Know It)

Hotel Lights - Firecracker People

Firecracker People (2008, Bar/None) Hotel Lights' second studio album. ****

Few fans of Ben Folds have ever really wondered what happened to Goodman and Jessee after Ben Folds Five split, and even fewer probably cared. And why should they? The frontman had already proved he was a great songwriter, and his emerging solo career was further proof of his skills. But if a Ben Folds fan ever does happen to cross Hotel Lights, they may go back and listen to Whatever and Ever Amen more closely. Sure, Folds dominated the trio throughout their tenure, but Jessee was involved in writing some of the group's better material, including songs like "Kate" and "Brick" (the latter of which Goodman shares credit as well).

Finally, Jessee has broken out and released Firecracker People, an eclectic mix of wonderfully gripping songs that are very memorable. The formula is great; Jessee takes songwriting duties and sings as well - and he's remarkably good. His voice is soft most of the time and doesn't venture to suggest that he has any sort of range. It's all above-baritone delivery, yet it's not high tenor. But it works, as Hotel Lights isn't as explosive as Ben Folds Five was, rather, it's more subdued like Broken Social Scene. And although many of the tunes do have that Folds-tinged sound, it still writhes with originality, especially the album's finest cuts like the rolling title track or the elevating "Chemical Clouds," which pulls the trick of never seemingly reaching the peak you expect it to. The opening isn't electric, but it's engaging, as "Blue Always Finds Me" and "Dream State Flying" are melodic enough to bring anyone in.

The album's finest moment, though, is the neo-psychedelic "Norina." Jessee sings, "Norina, your man is a ghost," and in the chorus simply sings a beautifully reverbed "Ahhh" that is a better statement than most everything else on the album. Jessee has a knack for writing unpredictably catchy songs, and Weatherhead's production is astounding. This is another alternative rock singer-songwriter who everyone should keep their eyes on. Not many drummers write music as gorgeous as this. (Firecracker People, Norina, Chemical Clouds)

Death Vessel - Nothing is Precious Enough For Us

Nothing is Precious Enough For Us (2008, Sub Pop) Death Vessel's second studio album. ***1/2

Probably the most shocking thing I discovered about Death Vessel was that the singer, Joel Thibodeau, is, well... a guy. Upon my first listen to Nothing is Precious Enough For Us, I didn't for any moment doubt that the singer was a woman with a decent voice. It wasn't until I did a little research that I found that Thibodeau had quite a... unique falsetto.

The style is a very laid-back folk approach, as refreshing as Iron & Wine was when he first came about. But unlike Iron & Wine or Bon Iver, Death Vessel has a much more uppity feel to it. While there are slow moments, Nothing is Precious Enough For Us can be bouncy on numbers like the bluegrass "Obadiah in Oblivion." And Thibodeau proves to be a great composer on some of the album's earlier moments, most notably the dreamy "Block My Eye," or the innocent child-like tune "Jitterakadie." It's all relatively simple stuff, never diving into the strange studio sounds that The Shepherd's Dog has. It's about as raw as raw can get, and that's a mixed blessing, because while Death Vessel has the sincerity of his folk peers, the production values aren't as clear as an album like Fleet Foxes, which manages to both be organic and ear-friendly. Sadly, a collection of exceptional tunes is brought down a tad by hiss-tape-like production.

Oxford Collapse - Bits

Bits (2008, Sub Pop) Oxford Collapse's fourth studio album. ***

While portraying themselves as an indie rock band, Oxford Collapse seems to be far more rooted in post-punk. Yes, all the late-nineties influences are plentiful in Bits, but it's impossible to deny that there are also hints of Against Me! hidden sporadically. Bits isn't a brilliant album and through its course it accomplishes very little, and while there are not many moments that are as brilliant as "The Birthday Wars," there are even fewer that are as painstakingly awful as "Young Love Delivers," riddled with obnoxious and bratty "Whoa"s that are intentionally delivered that way (a subconscious attempt to drive people away). Oxford Collapse have done much better, but they need to mature a little bit, as their shtick is getting tired fast. A little bit of a new direction may be in order.

EP Update: Midnight Juggernauts and Nick Cave

Into the Galaxy (2008, Siberia) Midnight Juggernauts' third studio EP. **1/2

Last year we were lucky enough to experience Dystopia, the debut album of this very talented Australian trio. Of all of their material, "Into the Galaxy" was one of the top songs, featuring a dreamy, almost video-game-like synth lead-in, and wonderfully strange falsetto during the chorus. The EP of the same name features the radio cut of the title track as well as three remixes. It's not fair to blame Midnight Juggernauts for some rather low-quality material resulting from their work. And it's even strange, as Grandmaster Flash doesn't create an adequate remix. Perhaps the band should take the crummy remakes as a compliment; "Into the Galaxy" is a great song, and nothing here really can hold a candle to the original.


Midnight Man (2008, Mute) Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' seventh studio EP. ***

Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! has been one of the most critically acclaimed albums of the year. And All Music Guide has been kind to nearly their entire catalogue, which is racked with four-to-five star albums. Midnight Man is interesting only, not actually something completely worthwhile. Bascially, the early versions of "More News From Nowhere" and "Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!" are the most engaging to listen to, but purely for the fact of wondering how they took form to their completed counterparts on the main album. In the end, though, it's only truly notable for die-hard fans.

Duds of 2008: Part Five

Here are a handful of albums that hardly deserve a full-length review. Duds consist of albums that have received a rating of two stars or less.

12 Steps (2008, Defend) Tittsworth's first studio album. **

Tired beats interspersed with bits of untalented rappers being unbelievably cliche and stereotypical. Dance/rap that only nerds will identify with once the cool kids get tired of it.


Waiting for the Sun (2008, Secretly Canadian) David Vendervelde's second studio album. **

Unfortunately for Vandervelde, he can't sing worth shit. Some will find his voice intriguiging, but it's almost as annoying as Geddy Lee's. His songwriting isn't bad, but there's certainly nothing memorable about it, either.

The Old Days Feeling (2008, Modern Radio) Mirah's ninth studio album. **

Mirah's brand of anti-folk isn't nearly as clever or interesting as Regina Spektor's, and her unorthodox song structure and length aren't original in the way she thinks they are; she's different for the sake of it, not because she actually is.

The Ettes - Look at Life Again Soon

Look at Life Again Soon (2008, Take Root) The Ettes' third studio album. ***

The Ettes instantly conjure up images of their obvious influences - the White Stripes, the Black Keys, the Kills, and early the Go (from their first LP, Whatcha' Doin'). They're far more than knee-deep in the garage and punk rock sound, though they've almost completely abandoned the blues. And that's okay, they don't want to be a cheap imitation. At the same time, though, the Ettes aren't nearly as explosive as any of their predecessors, and it's not like the lost energy is made up in sex appeal, as Lindsay Hames' voice is high pitched and tinny, only appearing less so because of the thin layer of distortion that haunts her performance throughout the album. Look at Life Again Soon is truly hit-and-miss, as tunes like "Crown of Age" don't hold a candle to undeniably catchy ones like "I Heard Tell."

The Return of Disco

After a long period of people completely disowning disco - not just the music, but everything that it touched - it seems as if it has finally managed to creep back into modern music. Disco isn't necessarily something that will see a revival; perhaps Saturday Night Fever will get more playtime on cable TV, but things like males wearing platform shoes are most definitely gone. Although disco may not have the power that it had in the late 70's, modern spins on it now offer people an alternative to cruddy rap that you can hear at any nightclub. So how did this even happen? How can something that has been readily mocked for twenty years suddenly be cool again? The evolution isn't all that surprising.

When disco seemingly died in the 80's, it actually just split itself into two factions; house and hip-hop. The hip-hop side of it was still danceable, and its own evolution into various incarnations of rap music is another story in itself. Although a branch of rap itself, hip-hop has always been more music-oriented than rap-oriented, and its danceability eventually turned a certain genre of rap to appeal to clubs the way house did; deep, heavy beats, loud bass, and a catchy - albeit in most cases mindless - chorus. House was far less popular in the mainstream than hip-hop, as it was purely made for dancing, not the radio. It was characterized by its constant beat and random placement of other instruments, sometimes accompanied by vocals (which, in most cases, was not only rare, but when it did happen, was completely repetitive). It, too, branched off into various genres, and it was artists in the late 90's who varied its sound that made it popular to wider audiences.

Among those artists were the French duo Daft Punk, whose revelatory 1997 album Homework redefined techno. By breaking into the mainstream, their influence was direct on countless artists and spun incalculable experimental techno and electronica artists, and in many cases even rock artists who were interested in incorporating electronic elements in their music. And then, in the early 2000's, plenty of artists began to pay attention to what was driving the electronica movement, and blending of moods came together. For instance, Daft Punk and Moby were moreso on the techno side, known for thick beats and, in the case of DP, harsh, robotic vocals. On the other side of the coin was ambient electronica, and arguably the most influential among modern artists is Boards of Canada. The only thing that their music held to electronica was that it was made with computers, as it was completely and utterly removed from dance elements. Their classic 1998 album Music Has the Right to Children helped to seal what would come.

A great (unknown) example of mixing ambience and harsh techno was Royksopp's 2001 debut Melody A.M., categorized as downbeat electronica. No, it wasn't the first of its kind, but it was an exceptional album that, while not energetic enough to be dance music, kept the warm nature of ambience while adding toe-tapping beats. Soon after, James Murphy created the identity of LCD Soundsystem, a force that would majorly influential in the return of disco. He - unknowingly or not - upped what bands like Royksopp were doing; he made the beats a little louder, the music more intense and intricate, yet shyed away from the easy and overused tempoes that characterized house. His 2007 masterpiece Sound of Silver introduced songs like "Get Innocuous!" that were heavily influenced by disco. And even before then, random bits were found sporadically. Even Feist covered a Bee Gees' song on her 2004 debut Let It Die.

2008, however, has proven a powerhouse for true disco to stage a comeback. While some artists only dabble in it (MGMT's "Electric Feel," for example), other artists are engulfing themselves. Hot Chip's release earlier this year, Made in the Dark, is characterized by its lead single "Ready for the Floor," a heavily disco-inspired groove. And while other artists last year like Midnight Juggernauts flaunted with it on tracks like "Into the Galaxy," bands like Hercules and Love Affair are blatantly calling their music disco. And it's not like this stuff is being disowned, critics are eating it up. Why? It may have been labeled as stupid shortly after it went out of style, but the truth of the matter is that while its lyrics may be coded to mean dirty things, it is in no way as outwardly trashy as club rap today. Disco is good dance music, infectious and entertaining, and it will up the experimentation for electronica in the twenty-first century.

Disco songs of the twenty-first century:
MGMT - Electric Feel
Feist - Inside and Out
Hot Chip - Ready for the Floor
Midnight Juggernauts - Into the Galaxy
Brazilian Girls - Losing Myself
LCD Soundsystem - Get Innocuous!
Hercules and Love Affair - Blind
Sebastien Tellier - Divine
Cut Copy - Far Away

SIDE ARTICLE: Blondie's "Heart of Glass" Vs. Feist's "Inside and Out"

Although it's possible that it is completely unintentional, Feist's video of the disco song "Inside and Out" by the Bee Gees contains many similarities to the video for Blondie's 1979 hit "Heart of Glass." Yes, they may seem arbitrary, but it is noteworthy.

Blondie - Heart of Glass


Feist - Inside and Out


Blondie's video is characterized by simplicity; it's almost completely focused on her, and she keeps her attention solely focused on the camera. Also, her movement is slight but important; although I wouldn't call it dancing, you can see that she is moving to the music, bouncing up and down. Feist's video isn't all that different. No, she's not with her band performing the song, but she is the target of the video. Most of the shots are of Feist up close, and she, too, is only looking at the camera. This is interesting because unlike in the late 70's, many videos today feature idiotic side stories and/or intersperse shots with the artist. Feist's video, whenever focused on her, always shows her lip syncing, just like Blondie does in her video. And Feist's movement, simple walking, gives her the same slight bounce that Blondie has.

Feist's other music videos also tend to focus on her, but if you look at her two most popular, "1234" and "Mushaboom," they contain hordes of extras, but "Inside and Out" does not. However, it should be noted that "Inside and Out" was not directed by Patrick Daughters, the director who Feist usually works with and who directed "1234" and "Mushaboom" among others.

The Upsidedown - Human Destination

Human Destination (2008, Beat the World Records) The Upsidedown's second studio album. **1/2

The Upsidedown should be commended for writing decent songs, and some might even think to congradulate them on their 'sound.' Thing is, the Upsidedown don't really have one. They dabble in Velvet Underground neo-psychedelia, Stooges garage rock, and early 2000's post-punk. And from song to song they're wildly unpredictable, completely morphing their assumed persona from the preceding track. Human Destination can only truly be described as mind-boggling, as even the band doesn't seem completely sure in what they're doing to the point that they recycle different formats throughout the album; psychedlia, garage, post-punk, in that order, again and again. It's not that the material is bad, it's just that Jsun Atoms' Lou Reed impression works only sometimes, and Human Destination is so disjointed that it functions more as a collection of songs by a band struggling with direction rather than a comprehensive album. If at any point they figure out how to focus, they could be formidable.

Birdmonster - From the Mountain to the Sea

From the Mountain to the Sea (2008, Faded Label) Birdmonster's second studio album. ***1/2

Birdmonster make simple, straight-ahead, good and honest alternative folk rock. They don't try to be overly complex and they aren't trying to channel any one specific sound. That might come off as Birdmonster not having a unique voice, because in all honesty, the instrumentation of the album isn't what defines the band in the slightest. It's vocalist Peter Arcuni that makes Birdmonster, and in particular From the Mountain to the Sea, magical. Arcuni sounds like a young Stephen Stills, specifically from his time with Buffalo Springfield (and a cover of "For What It's Worth" wouldn't have been out of line).

"My Love For You" opens things softly and introduces Arcuni near naked, as there's not much instrumentation behind him. "Lost at Sea" comes next, and sets the general attitude of most of the songs, as they tend to be in the vein of up-tempo folk numbers, and "Lost at Sea" is the best of those. But when they mood is more mellow, there are jewels like "Concrete Lights," an acoustic ballad that evolves with an electric guitar. But it is Arcuni's vocals that make the song, which is fairly monotone and only ever seems to go up, never descending as the listener so deperately predicts. It happens again on "The Only One," which features the entire band coming into full swing over time, but its message is simple if not beautiful: "I was young/and you were the only one." And later, "But there was the only truth/Could have been anyone/Just so happened that it was you."

Ear-pleasing to say the least, most of From the Mountain to the Sea is filled with catchy numbers. Arcuni and company would have no trouble going unplugged with these; really, an acoustic guitar and piano might suit most of these tracks better than the full-electric approach they've given it. A never-pretentious, always enjoyable and smooth effort. (My Love For You, Born to Be Your Man, Concrete Lights, The Only One)

Port O'Brien - All We Could Do Was Sing

All We Could Do Was Sing (2008) Port O'Brien's second studio album. ***

The California residents Port O'Brien have churned out an interesting sophomore effort. It's an indie-folk blast reminiscent of the Avett Brothers, Bon Iver, Broken Social Scene, and even Arcade Fire. And although it starts off with intensity and harsh focus, it slowly loses its way (intentionally or not) and crawls towards an end. The anthemic title track sets a great mood of freedom, and the following two cuts establish the album's theme of a yearning soul being trapped by illusionary obligations. But things slip up a bit starting with "Pigeonhold," which seemingly criticizes today's young quasi-hippie crowd, accusing them of stealing the past phenomenon of the 60's and not being as original and free-thinking as they claim to be. An interesting concept, but the band itself sounds like hippies, and thus lines up the hypocritical "I do that, but anyone else who does it is stupid." It may not be true, the members of Port O'Brien might be straight edge, but it's a message not suiting them. After that brief head-turner All We Could Do Was Sing quickly heads downhill into a cycle of pointless jams and boring guitar progressions, and scurries in the last two to three songs to re-vamp the album's themes. While it isn't close to being perfect, Port O'Brien are capable of expressing their ideas eloquently when they aren't thinking too hard.

Author's Note: Information on distribution label was not found.

The Jonas Brothers - A Little Bit Longer

A Little Bit Longer (2008, Disney) The Jonas Brothers' third studio album. **1/2

I was extremely disappointed in Rolling Stone's award of "excellence" to this album. It's not that the Jonas Brothers are awful or that they will never become anything, but Rolling Stone's reasoning is beyond ridiculous. Jody Rosen's first line in her review of four Disney-released albums is "History teaches us not to dismiss kiddie pop." I would actually say the exact opposite. Why? Rosen claims that we have to thank teen pop for results such as Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and all associated wannabes. But let's look at this fact; of the teen pop sensations Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Justin Timberlake (solo), and a combined twenty-two albums between them all, only two have not been met with middling or poor critical reaction (Back to Basics by Aguilera and Blackout by Spears, the latter of which did receive a few mixed and poor reviews). And don't get me started on Katy Perry.

So if that's the logic you want to use, Jody, then we need to be wary of Vanessa Hudgens, Miley Cyrus, and the Jonas Brothers. But that's actually the opposite, because like Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers aren't bad. Is there album great? Not by any stretch of the veritably screwed-up imagination. Teen pop is useless, but they use it the correct way. They aren't going out of their way to try and be cool; basically, there's no mention of partying, sex, or the like. These guys are responsible to their fan base, and that's great. As far as the music is concerned, it's fairly bleak. Yeah, Nick and Kevin can play the guitar pretty damn well for their age. But Joe's vocals are so horribly predictable - complete with lines of "Tonight!" and forced voice straining - that they help fulfill all the cliches one can expect. There are two moments where the brothers get it right; the first is "Shelf," a genuinely straightforward rocker that loses the excess of traditional generic pop. Switch the vocalist and you could believe it was any trapped-in-the-late-90's band. Another is the gentle ballad "Lovebug," a simple acoustic number that turns radically electric as it progresses. Beyond that, the boys fail to be as adventurous or clever as their female counterpart. But that's okay, if they ever adopt a respectable genre they could transpose their skills. It's easy-going and honestly harmless music, because their full commital to Christianity doesn't seep in anywhere for an unwarranted and unwanted moral lecture. For fans it's their best yet. For anyone else, that last sentence doesn't mean a whole lot.

Oneida - Preteen Weaponry

Preteen Weaponry (2008, Jagjaguwar) Oneida's ninth studio album. ***

The unfortunate part of Oneida's latest album is that it makes the following statement even more true; you need to experience them live to be able to enjoy the album. Not only that, but you'd have to be a fan. And since more than 95% of Preteen Weaponry is instrumental, it's a bit difficult to sit through. Is it boring? Not quite. Oneida are able to keep you interested for a certain period, but once you get past the fact that the first part of this three track album is basically a fourteen-minute buildup which leads into another long sequence of a buildup that ultimately goes nowhere, you wonder what Oneida are trying to get at. I can't recommend it, but at the same time I'm wary of saying that they're not onto anything. For fans and the ultra-curious.

The Faint - Fasciinatiion

Fasciinatiion (2008, Blank. Wave) The Faint's sixth studio album. **1/2

Glitch electronica is so often one of those rare and criminally underrated things; that is, of course, when it's done correctly. The Faint have opened up a barrage of problems on their latest LP, Fasciinatiion. One is that they don't really know what they want to do; all the songs are very glitch-heavy, with blips and bleeps like you wouldn't believe, but at the same time they introduce an electric guitar and hip-hop elements. Experimentation is great, but it doesn't go with anything they've put out here. Not only that, but the electronica beats they do have are far too harsh; the beeps are loud and obnoxious, trying to act as a facade of intricacy. It's too muddled and in the middle, for Fasciinatiion isn't soft like The Eraser or fluent like Sound of Silver, yet at the same time it holds itself back from being as violent as You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into. And at that point the album is drab, with Todd Fink's vocals being a poor version of Phil Collins. In fact, Fink is a major problem for the album, as his growling baritone and virtual nonexistant range make him boring to listen to. Had they a vocalist like Alexis Taylor, the album's strong points like "Get Seduced" and "Forever Growing Centipedes" would be a qualifying apology for the rest of it. But alas, even the better moments - "Forever Growing Centipedes especially, as grooves don't get much crunchier than that - are only slightly above mediocre. Not to mention that their lyrics are beyond ridiculous, and even though they develop an interesting dystopian theme, it's laughable when you listen closely to tracks like "A Battle Hymn For Children."

Brazilian Girls - New York City

New York City (2008, Verve) Brazilian Girls' third studio album. ****1/2

The band famous for only having one girl and not being Brazilian in the slightest have released their third album, a masterpiece entitled New York City. Sabina Sciubba, the lead singer and only female of the group, is essential to this album. Her vocals can hit any emotion she wants with only the slightest change, and the fact that she sings in (at least) English, Spanish, and French only heightens the aura of mystery about the band. I cannot find lyrics for this album yet, so I am in the dark for quite a bit of the album. Sciubba can be super sexy as on "Internacional" or plead with whimpers like she does on "Nouveau Americain." And it's not just about sounding sexy, she can honestly sing. Her Sigur Ros-esque vocals on the opener "St. Petersburg" or her soft, sensual performance on "L'Interprete" are stunning.

But we can't leave the rest of the band out on the street; Gutman, Murphy, and Johnston contribute just as much musically as Sciubba. Gutman in particular plays a strong role in the sound of many of these songs; as they jump from genre to genre he always adds a bit of his own in the keyboard or electronic work. "Losing Myself" features a one chord Manzarek-channeled keyboard piece, as does "Ricardo." Murphy's bass line on dance numbers like "Internacional" are unforgettable, and Johnston's drumbeats make some of the otherwise un-danceable cuts danceable. New York City is a flurry of musical inspirations and even steps up to the plate to imitate Kid A at points like the spongey computer backing on "L'Interprete." The carnival-romp of "Berlin" or near-mechanically charged "I Want Out" make for strange - albeit grand - changes of pace. The band's incorporation of jazz, pop, rock, and most importantly electronica are so well fused that they truly stand out against the backdrop of mediocre indie-electronica acts. They know their music and have done their homework, and that's what makes New York City work. (St. Petersburg, Losing Myself, Berlin, L'Interprete)

Show Review: Coheed and Cambria @ Myrtle Beach 8/09/08

On Saturday I went to see Coheed and Cambria at the House of Blues with my friends Erin and Maggie (Stephen - whom I saw Dave Matthews with - was supposed to go but shit came up). The three of us will be seeing the Black Keys later in October, possibly with my friend Matt whom I saw Radiohead with earlier in May. As with Dave Matthews, I've never really listened to Coheed, but even less so Coheed. I had the intention of listening to their catalogue before we went to the show, but I was too lazy to do it. Thankfully, Maggie hadn't listened to them much, either. Coheed is Erin's favorite band, so we went.

The band Russian Circles opened at 8:00. They were alright, I've never heard an instrumental metal band before, so it was interesting. The crowd ate it up, so goody for them. If you're a fan of the Sword you should check them out. The sound is similar, but of course, no words.

The House of Blues is fairly small, so we obviously had a great view. With Radiohead and Dave Matthews, I could see them, but they were tiny. Claudio Sanchez was maybe a hundred feet away from me. Probably would have hit me harder if I was a huge fan, but I'm sure Erin was ecstatic. The show was actually pretty good, and it went by very quickly, even though they played for nearly two hours. I'm not a heavy metal fan, but they had some progressive and pop sensibilities to them, so I was thoroughly entertained. Some will criticize Sanchez on the way he plays guitar, because he plays fast, a trait of metal guitar players. Still, it was fairly impressive.

8/09/08 House of Blues at Myrtle Beach, SC

First set: No World For Tomorrow, Gravemakers, Ten Speed, AFHA, The Suffering, Everything Evil>The Trooper>Devil in Jersey City, Feathers, Blood Red Summer, The Running Free, In Keeping Secrets

Encore: Welcome Home, The Final Cut

The setlist was impressive, and the best song was "Welcome Home," where Sanchez pulled out a double-neck Gibson and went nuts. "The Final Cut" was also interesting, featuring a very space-rock type feel. It was good up until the ten minute drum solo. I'd have to listen to Coheed's catalogue before I'd go see them again, but apparently our show was the last one before their epic sets in New York and LA where they'll be playing everything they've done thus far. Unfortunately the House of Blues doesn't allow cameras, so again we don't have any pictures. If you were there or have been to any of Coheed's concerts this year, let me know how you liked it!

Coheed and Cambria Myrtle Beach 8/09/08 - Road Blog

12:20 We stop at a Sheetz to put gas in the car, Erin nearly fills up using diesel. We order some nasty food from inside, my order takes about three years to make.

12:45 Pit stop at the Kinko's down the street so I can print out my ticket. I'm an idiot and forgot to do it in the office the day before. Have to pay a few bucks to use the internet and such. Erin and Maggie want to check their Facebook accounts.

1:14 Discussion of pet peeves arises. I tell the story of people I went to high school with, most notably the girl who always laughed at inside jokes that she did not understand, and another chick who "absorbed" things when she grabbed them. I demonstrate with a pack of cheese nips.

1:30 I ask Maggie what kind of music she listens to. Besides Phil Collins and Genesis, turns out she listens to a lot of modern British stuff. She likes the Arctic Monkeys, and I inform her about the Last Shadow Puppets and the Rascals.

1:40 "No Diggity" by Blackstreet comes on the radio. Erin and Maggie rock out accordingly. Somehow Prince and David Bowie enter the conversation, and I ask them why women are fascinated by them, especially Prince. Apparently being a huge rock god and standing at about five feet tall is hot.

1:45 Creed comes on the radio and we all laugh hysterically. I do my Scott Stapp impersonation.

1:56 I have to break the news to Maggie that Forrest Gump had AIDS, as did little Forrest. Erin says "Walker told me I have AIDS."

2:03 Erin and Maggie decide to take photos of themselves. They hold the camera out the window and the moonroof. "They're our MySpace pics!" they say. I doubt either of them even have a MySpace. We put on Consolers of the Lonely by the Raconteurs

2:07 We mock M. Night Shyamalan's movies.

2:20 I find a pair of Homer Simpson slippers in the back. Erin tells me that when you put them on, it looks like Homer is giving head to your leg.

2:27 We pass two billboards, one reads, "Don't read billboards? YOU JUST DID!" and the other is an advertisement for the U.S.S. North Carolina. Apparently seniors get a discount of one dollar. "But I served on this ship!" "Whatever, it's still only a dollar off, old man."

2:48 Erin and Maggie talk about their hatred of children and friends that have children.

2:54 We put in a mix CD. First song is "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies.

Mix CD Playlist:
1. Barenaked Ladies - One Week
2. My Morning Jacket - Highly Suspicious
3. Death Cab For Cutie - No Sunlight
4. Feist - I Feel It All
5. The Hold Steady - Stuck Between Stations
6. Hot Chip - Ready for the Floor
7. M.I.A. - Paper Planes
8. The Raconteurs - Intimate Secretary
9. MGMT - Time to Pretend
10. Death Cab For Cutie - Cath...
11. Beck - Loser
12. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
13. My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
14. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Give It Away
15. MGMT - The Youth

3:11 "Anal bum cover," "The rapist," "Condom thing," "Jap anus relations," and other celebrity Jeopardy references. Erin then talks about Journey and the album cover that shows their bulges.

3:20 Stop at a gas station/Subway to get drinks and pee. Yes, we peed and then drank more.

3:39 We leave and start heading down the highway. Erin realizes that she's in first gear.

4:13 We pass by a colossal amount of mini golf courses. Erin is outraged at some of the themes the courses use, most notably one that makes light of plane wrecks. I mock her by being offended by a dinosaur-themed course. Why? The dinosaurs are all dead.

4:29 We find the House of Blues. Erin takes a photograph.

4:43 Stop at Logan's for dinner. We prepare for Coheed by ordering the Porterhouse 20oz raw and a bucket of blood.

6:00 We get in line and the doors open at 7:00. There is a weird guy in front of us who keeps staring and is trying to be part of our oh-so-funny conversations.

7:00 Doors open.

7:12 We finally get inside. We struggle to find a place to stand. Weird guy follows us up the stairs. We stand on the main floor on the stairs and have a really good view. Weird guy is off to the far side so we can keep an eye on his movements.

8:00 The opener, Russian Circles, comes out (on the stage, not of the closet).

9:00 Coheed starts to play and everyone goes nuts. There's a small Asian chick in front of us with her boyfriend and they never stop making out. There is a large sweaty chick next to me who can't sing.

Set List:
No World For Tomorrow (Epic intro with lights)
Gravemakers
Ten Speed
AFHA
The Suffering
Everything Evil>The Trooper>Devil in Jersey City
Feathers
Blood Red Summer
The Running Free
In Keeping Secrets

Encore:
Welcome Home (Claudio comes out with a white Gibson EDS-1275)
The Final Cut (Lasts nearly half an hour, fairly awesome)

10:44 Show ends and we head out. Looks like people enjoyed it but might be drained due to a ten minute drum solo on the last song.

11:01 Heading out of the parking lot. We see a car that has the words "Show Tits" duct taped on the door. Maggie takes a photograph and one of the guys talks to her through a megaphone.

11:16 On the road. We eventually stop at a gas station to fill up. The rest of the night is spent in deep conversation interspersed with dick jokes. Narrow Stairs plays the entire ride back.

Randy Newman - Harps and Angels

Harps and Angels (2008, Nonesuch) Randy Newman's eighteenth studio album. ****

For a long time, Randy Newman has been quite the unorthodox singer-songwriter. While unique, his voice isn't as pretty as Elton John. While stimulating, his messages aren't as strong as Bob Dylan. During the 70's and 80's, Newman made a name for himself, with such tunes as "Short People" and "It's Money That Matters," among many others. And during these runs he was able to maintain a fair amount of critical acclaim. In the mid-90's, however, Newman transitioned and found strength in writing children's music, as he would write soundtracks for the renowned Pixar films. After all this, Newman has gone back to more of his roots in making Harps and Angels.

Everything here is very simple and presented in Newman's pre-electric blues and ragtime stylings. And his trademark vocals are still as enthralling (and at the same time, goofy) as they've ever been. But here Newman has gone back to making political observations. The difference being that instead of semi-firey blasts of songs like some of his work in the 80's, Newman has the "aw, shucks" approach; mainly, he presents himself as a simple guy who is telling it like he sees it. And it works. "A Few Words in Defense of Our Country" finds Newman sarcastically comparing our government leaders to others of times past, saying how even though they're terrible, they're not nearly as bad as others in history. On comparing Bush and company to the Caesars, remarks "And one of 'em appointed his own horse Consul of the Empire/That's like Vice President or something/That's not a very good example, is it?"

He likens that to solve our education problems we should hire Korean parents for all students, who are "Strict but fair," that the rich are getting richer, and that we should all just smile in the faces of our leaders, as they wouldn't know how to respond. Newman is truly a master of songcraft, and all the tunes here are very delicate, and not all politically charged. "Potholes" is an amusing tale of wanting to forget embarrassing encounters, and "Feels Like Home" is the album's emotionally sweeping closer. While the dynamics are only lighthearted, it's still an album that's for sharing among friends, and Newman excellently portrays himself as the simple old-timer telling stories by the fire. A very welcome entry from an underrated performer. (Laugh and Be Happy, A Few Words in Defense of Our Country, Potholes)

Matt Pryor - Confidence Man

Confidence Man (2008, Vagrant) Matt Pryor's first studio album. ***

After the Get Up Kids disbanded in 2005, Pryor hasn't just been mulling around and twiddling his thumbs. He's been working on a delicate set of acoustic songs, all nicely tucked away into his solo debut Confidence Man. It's nothing groundbreaking and it doesn't fully recognize Pryor as any songwriting genius; all of these are still two-to-three minute numbers that aren't necessarily skillfully played. But what Pryor is going for is feeling, and occassionally he makes it work. Among the dribble of unintentional filler is "Loralai," an innocent piece with a beautiful harmony. "Confidence Man" is the best out of the bunch, with a swaying, easy summer afternoon felt harmonica, inspired by a mix of Bob Dylan and Ben Folds. And while the rest comes straight from Pryor's own mediocre sound, it's still something he put his heart into, and for that it's respectable.

Darker My Love - 2

2 (2008, Dangerbird) Darker My Love's second studio album. ****

Doing modern psychedelic music is a pretty tough act; drugs like LSD aren't nearly as commonly used as they were back in the late 60's, and most of the bands that did psychedelic music were self-indulgent. But modern bands such as MGMT and the Black Angels have tried to bring it back, and now another band, Darker My Love, has stepped up to the plate.

2 offers an eclectic mix of influences in its bag, with phases of the album exerting different sounds. The beginning is riff-heavy and recalls bands such as the Guess Who, especially on "Blue Day," which features a Steppenwolf-like sputtering organ. The Beatles and Cream show through on "White Composition," which has a jazzy drumbeat and a soft, rolling guitar melody. And an obvious tribute is paid to the Beatles on "Talking Words," which drops its excesses and features a deliberate imitation of Paul McCartney thirty seconds before it's out. 2 almost suffers from conjuring the sounds of too many influences (from the Velvet Underground to Radiohead), but the songs are so well crafted that it's hard to knock them. In fact, there are several moments that mark the music as primal; the airy psychedelic pop of "Even in Your Lightest Day" features a very chunky bass line, and "Northern Soul" has releases in its "Yeah yeah yeah's" that make the feeling organic. While there are no super-overdrawn "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vidas," some jams still take too much time, such as the Verve-inspired "All the Hurry and Wait," who's string arrangement is somewhat similar "Bittersweet Symphony," though it is still compelling. Surely they've some work to do, but 2 is still worth the listen, for several moments are magnificent. (Blue Day, Even In Your Lightest Day, All the Hurry and Wait)

YouTube Update

The latest reviews on my YouTube channel:
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Entry #12: One Day as a Lion - One Day as a Lion
Entry #11: Nine Inch Nails - The Slip
Entry #10: Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
Entry #9: Radiohead - In Rainbows Part 2
Entry #8: Radiohead - In Rainbows Part 1
Entry #7: The Black Keys - Attack & Release

What it is,
Stephen

Miley Cyrus - Breakout

Breakout (2008, Disney) Miley Cyrus' first studio album. ***

It's a little bit of a surprise that Miley Cyrus' first album outside of the "Hannah Montana" persona isn't awful. In fact, it's pretty good. And that's saying a lot, as teen pop has proven to be one of the worst factions of the pop and rock world, second only to Christian rock. The genre only received another blow with Katy Perry's horrific One of the Boys, a confused and contrived ordeal that was exactly what the intended audience didn't need to hear; getting wasted, sleeping with guys, and kissing chicks and liking it. Hey, experimentation is great, I understand, but the target market is middle-school girls, and there are enough poor role models for them as it is (Paris, Britney, and Lindsay, to name a few). Thankfully, Miley's album is nothing more than harmless, albeit mindless, pop sensibilities.

Every song shows one of two sides of Miley; her spunky side displayed on tunes such as the parent-defying title track or the Avril Lavigne-esque "7 Things I Hate About You," and her solemn side on cuts like "The Driveway," "Bottom of the Ocean," and "Goodbye." And while almost every track is predictable, the quality of the music itself is sometimes surprising. "The Driveway," for instance, portrays a doomed couple riding in a silent car, the awkward ride home we all know. And it's tracks like that, along with "Bottom of the Ocean," (reminiscent of Michelle Branch) that really wouldn't be half-bad if the excess was all shed in favor of an acoustic guitar or piano. It's arguably quality stuff, but since this isn't an attempt to make art, it didn't come out the way it should have. But beyond the decent material, there's plenty that's cheesy. Her cover of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" may not be great, but it certainly fits the mood and in no way separates itself from the rest of the tracks. The worst moment is "Wake Up America," a call to arms against global warming, something Miley admits to not having any knowledge about. Considering the material on the album (breakups and girls nights out) it's completely out of place. "Simple Song" features an eye-rolling "La la la la laa" part preceded by "Sing along, now!" So while Breakout is a step forward for Miley, it's still only the second step in a line of many. It's impressive that she helped pen most of these, and when she comes of age, she could be a very respected singer-songwriter. That is, of course, if she stops writing hilariously bad lines like "My parents say that I'm lazy/Gettin' up at 8AM's crazy."

Alejandro Escovedo - Real Animal

Real Animal (2008, Black Porch/Manhattan) Alejandro Escovedo's ninth studio album. ****

Alejandro Escovedo has a family tree rooted (no pun intended) in music, and while there are plenty of sons and daughters, nieces and nephews who have musical background but have no talent themselves, Escovedo isn't one of them. The album is simple, really; it's merely adult alternative pop/rock, and even though most albums in this genre are beyond mediocre and go fairly unnoticed by anyone under age thirty, Real Animal is wonderfully different. The accessibility of easy-rockers such as the opening "Always a Friend" or the slightly darker "Chelsea Hotel '78" open themselves up to people of all ages. The earnest "Sister Lost Soul" or the closer "Slow Down" reveal Escovedo's ability to be sincere. And it has its rocking moments as well, as the rolling riff of "Smoke" demonstrates in its start-and-stop guitar and bass work. There's nothing complex here, it's just a great package of songs with decent production put out to entertain. Fans of jam bands, chill music, party music, and good music in general will find pleasure in Escovedo's simple elegance. Highly recommended. (Always a Friend, Chelsea Hotel '78, Sister Lost Soul, Smoke)

Has Rolling Stone Lost Its Touch?

People have been making the claim that Rolling Stone has been losing its touch essentially since their inception. At first it was easy for them to praise bands that were already established as greats since their slate was clean. But time has shown that they are capable at making horrific miscalculations as to the direction of music. The most infamous blunder was the scathing reviews that Led Zeppelin received. However, it should be noted that Jeff Beck's first album Truth was met with a certain amount of praise. Perhaps they believed that Led Zeppelin was nothing more than a ripoff of Beck's work. Is that the case? Well, kinda. Read for yourself. They are definitely deserving of some criticism to fail to see the differences between Truth and Led Zeppelin I, because even though they seemed minor, they were colossal.

The 90's then showed disdain for Nirvana, another band that would become a worldwide sensation and change the face of music. Again, Rolling Stone was called upon to answer for their mistake. Honestly, I personally don't blame them for dismissing Nirvana, as they were nothing more than a glorified version of the Pixies. Besides, grunge went on to inspire some really terrible music, and that's basically why there isn't any grunge left. Regardless, I'm not a professional critic, so my points are moot. In the end, Rolling Stone decided to recognize the "mistake" and include Nirvana's catalog in their list of the greatest 500 albums.

They also gave a lukewarm response to Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs, refused to put Rush on a cover for years because they weren't "cool" enough, bashed Wheels of Fire, and attempted to adopt hip-hop (which they previously dismissed) and criticized Jay-Z. But all of that was a while ago, surely Rolling Stone has gotten better in the past few years, right? Well, not exactly. The purpose of this article to to examine Rolling Stone reviews in the twenty-first century to see what they're getting right and, perhaps even more importantly, wrong. Considering the editors oversee the final rating of all albums, I won't hold the actual reviewer as solely responsible.

What they've been getting right:

Beck - Rolling Stone review of Modern Guilt

Since Beck's inception RS have been hitting the mark right. They give Beck his due credit without flattering him. Yes, Beck is a very good artist of our day, but it would be rather risky to call any album besides Odelay a classic.

Cat Power - Rolling Stone review of You Are Free

Chan Marshall has the ability to stray critics. Many see her as a cheap female imiation of Bob Dylan, but she's not. She's her own singer-songwriter, and a unique one at that. Her ability to compose and interpret music is impressive, and Rolling Stone have shown that they fully recognize that.

Death Cab For Cutie - Rolling Stone review of Narrow Stairs

A quirky group who has a catalog of hit-and-miss entries. Accordingly, Rolling Stone have either praised or scolded them, and they get it right.

M.I.A. - Rolling Stone review of Kala

On his own site, Robert Christgau gave Kala a perfect rating. Why RS didn't is odd, but either way, they gave it four-and-a-half and called it the best album of 2007. I'm not sure if I would say the same; I would have said it's a five-star album, but I also think it has fierce competition for album of the year from Neon Bible and In Rainbows. Still, they figured out M.I.A. is brilliant.

Other notable right calls:

Against Me! - New Wave

Band of Horses - Cease to Begin

Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes

LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver

The White Stripes - Elephant

Questionable ratings:

Arcade Fire - Rolling Stone review of Neon Bible

I understand that three-and-a-half stars is a good rating, but Neon Bible is beyond excellent. It's perfect; a classic album easily. However, they believe that not all the tunes work, and that maybe Funeral was better. Do the Springsteen influences shine through too hard? No, I think it's exaggerated.

My rating of Neon Bible - *****

Feist - Rolling Stone review of Let It Die and The Reminder

These are iffy. RS has nothing against Feist, but then again, each review seems to be a little low for what they should actually be rated. Let It Die is more acceptable than The Reminder, which is tough to break at first, but reveals itself after several listens, all of which are well deserved.

My rating of Let It Die - ****1/2

My rating of The Reminder - ***1/2

Gnarls Barkley - Rolling Stone review of St. Elsewhere

I wouldn't have picked on RS for this one had they given it even just a slightly higher rating. It's obvious to everyone that St. Elsewhere was better than The Odd Couple, even though the latter was still a close second.

My rating of St. Elsewhere - ****

Other notable questionable calls:

Lily Allen - Alright, Still

The Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely

Thom Yorke - The Eraser

The White Stripes - De Stijl

What they got wrong:

Amy Winehouse - Rolling Stone review of Back to Black

Christian Hoard, in an otherwise positive review, ends by saying "the tunes don't always hold up." Certainly he listened to it more than once, as Back to Black is an absolutely gorgeous album. There are few albums now - or in history, for that matter - that are as genuine in emotion as this one. And considering she's the only artist who is mixing 60's Motown with neo-soul and R&B - actual R&B - is incredible. Know why? Because she understands soul and jazz, she was brought up on it. If she doesn't die, she'll be a legend. A three-star review pitiful on their part.

My rating of Back to Black - ****1/2

Ben Folds - Rolling Stone review of Rockin' the Suburbs

Another three-star review of a near-classic album. Ben Folds used to be someone I almost couldn't listen to, but thankfully I got over myself and realized how brilliant he really is. He's the next step in piano rock, as John and Joel are practically retired. This release is Folds' magnum opus (as of now) and is far better than anything he did in Ben Folds Five.

My rating of Rockin' the Suburbs - ****1/2

The Black Keys - Rolling Stone review of Thickfreakness and Rubber Factory

Once again, three-star reviews all around. In all actuality, the first review isn't that bad, but Hoard's review of Rubber Factory again has completely missed the mark. It's missing tunes? I think you're missing ears, Mr. Hoard. Along with the White Stripes, the Black Keys are the only band that are true masters of the blues, music that is the foundation for everything we have today.

My rating of Thickfreakness - ****1/2

My rating of Rubber Factory - ****

Daft Punk - Rolling Stone review of Discovery

While they have no problem giving accolades to Moby, Rolling Stone have repeatedly given the middle finger to this French duo. We may have Robert Christgau to thank for that, who gave Homework a rather scalding review as well. Still, Christgau has come around to liking them, being very positive in response to Alive 2007. So why is Rolling Stone lagging?

My rating of Discovery - ****

The Mars Volta - Rolling Stone review of De-Loused in the Comatorium

Even I was scared of the Mars Volta after my first listen. I had never really heard anything like it before. But instead of putting it out of my mind I set a goal to understand it. I haven't done that yet, there are still several elements within the music of the Mars Volta that I don't grasp, but I can tell that they are geniuses at work. Who else but Mr. Hoard gave De-Loused a crap review.

My rating of De-Loused in the Comatorium - ****1/2

Other notable wrong calls:

Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene

Clinic - Internal Wrangler

The Kooks - Inside In/Inside Out

The Last Shadow Puppets - The Age of the Understatement

These are only a handful of ratings that Rolling Stone has made in the twenty-first century, and there are loads of grades that are correct, off by only a half-star, or completely wrong, far too many for me to post here. Either way, it's clear that for every correct thing that RS says, they have another that's way off. That wouldn't be so bad if they were able to justify themselves, but they don't. When asked to defend reviews after years gone by, they either admit the mistake and suddenly embrace the artist or keep completely silent. I'd rather they follow what one of their own writers, Robert Christgau, does. If he doesn't like something, he says why, even if the reason isn't that good. Christgau, while frustrating, at least sticks with what he believes. The same cannot be said about Rolling Stone. Writers for that magazine must ask themselves, do they really want their reviews read back to them fifteen years from now?

Duds of 2008: Part Four

Here are a handful of albums that hardly deserve a full-length review. Duds consist of albums that have received a rating of two stars or less. Didn't expect to have to do it again so soon, but man, there's a lot of bad music out there.

Scars On Broadway (2008, Interscope) Scars On Broadway's first studio album. *1/2

Scars On Broadway don't know if anyone takes them seriously, if they want to be taken seriously, or even if the band takes itself seriously. In fact, they don't seem to know much, including how to write music or that there's more than one chord you can play on a guitar, or, in their own words, how they're going to live forever if they're going to kill each other. They said it, not me.

We Have Cause to Be Uneasy (2008, Canvas Black) Wild Sweet Orange's first studio album. **

You know the people from Wild Sweet Orange, you've seen (but hopefully have not heard) them a million times; young pseudo-hippies who "get" music and "connect" with it more than other people, who boast of quasi-intellectual ideas and made-up memories, but it's okay, because it's all in the spirit of music. The problem? They suck.

@#%&*! Smilers (2008, Superego) Aimee Mann's seventh studio album. **

Nothing against Aimee Mann. Honestly. But this album is boring beyond belief. Look, in a world that is plagued with mediocre and stereotypical female singer-songwriters, you need to stand out. Insinuating a potty-mouth word in the title of your album isn't what I had in mind.